The Submissive wife

I was raised to be a strong, independent woman.  I was pushed to graduate college so that I didn’t have to depend on a man for the rest of my life.  My personality is to fight, control the situation, prove my point, make my own money and take care of my own self. And that is exactly what I did.  I got my nursing degree and got a stable job. I can take care of myself and my daughter.  Now don’t get me wrong, I will stress the importance of getting a degree to Mia as well and I am certainly glad my parents raised me in such a way.  However, the way I was raised and my personality don’t exactly mesh well with this whole submissive wife thing.
Basically, the first two years of my marriage I was the leader of the household.  I controlled the finances and made the decisions.  I would writhe at the thought of a man controlling me or making my decisions.  We were both working full time and lived in a nice big house.  I wasn’t a very good house keeper because I was too busy with my own life. I didn’t cook dinner.  If we actually got to eat dinner together we would eat out or Dave would cook.  We shopped frequently and only went to church on Sunday morning.  I was one of those who thought I was doing good by just going to church on Sunday morning and doing nothing else.  I thought we were living the dream.
Then we decided we wanted to have a baby. Long story short, it took a year to get pregnant, had a complicated pregnancy and an even more traumatic delivery.  My daughter had to fight for her life for 17 days in the NICU.  This time in my life brought me closer to God than ever.  I then realized just how much I needed Him.  I had to cling to Him to get me through this difficult time. Since then, my relationship has grown stronger and stronger with the Lord.  However, the closer I grow to Him, the more I realize how UNdeserving I am of His undying love and faithfulness. 
Everyday I am trying to turn away from sin and change my life.  I recently read a book called “Womanly Dominion” about God’s purpose for a woman.  If I want to praise and serve Him, I need to submit to His will in every aspect of my life.  I can’t just pick and choose which aspects of His will I obey and which ones I just write off. Submission and a woman with a gentle and quiet spirit is one of these “roles” I need to fulfill.   I still get a small little twitch that I will always have to fight, when I think about just being my husbands “helper” just because it goes against every grain in my body.  BUT, I have to keep my eyes on the ultimate prize, which is the kingdom of Heaven!  God never said our journey would be easy, but it IS possible with Him!
Given our ever growing feminist culture, it is extremely hard to be this “submissive” wife that God wants me to be.  Women are often empowered by their careers and motherhood is put on the back burner.  Women are often praised by this behavior, whereas stay-at-home moms are disrespected.    
Dictionary.com defines submissive as: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient.  According to Womanly Dominion, submission is not about your husband controlling you, but about him being the leader of the household and you being his helper.  Our job title or role for God’s purpose is to be our husbands helpmeet and to take care of our family.  We are to do this with a “win it” attitude.  Just as husbands should love their wives like Christ loved the church, they are also called by God to be the providers.   By taking care of our husband and children, we are “winning” it for God!  There are those days when my husband makes it next to impossible for me to be submissive, however, I have to think I am doing it for God.  That is what keeps me going.