It has been 1 year and 4 months since I posted that we would start trying again. Although I can’t technically say we’ve been actively trying since then, because honestly, we have taken a few months worth of *breaks*. However, we have done a couple of rounds of clomid, with obviously no success yet. It gets very frustrating to continually get a BFN. I get bitter and jealous and sad every month.
Wait. I should say I was bitter and jealous, because now? I’m totally fine with it. After I wrote my post about God giving me those two little words: IN CONTROL, I have had a strong sense of peace come over me. I have completely “let go” of control and have handed it over to God. I told him that I was completely happy with whatever his will was for me and I accept it. Every since praying that prayer and turning it over to Him, I have had so much relief. Why? Because I know that His will is far more superior to mine and I already have the best gift ever! My daughter! Why should I complain about wanting another child when He already gave me a perfectly beautiful and healthy one? One that I absolutely adore, that is!
“In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will,” Ephesians 1:11
Honestly, now that I have this new found relief, I am glad that I don’t have another one just yet. God told me to be patient and enjoy the one I had. I can honestly say I am absorbing every ounce of time I spend with her. I want to make absolutely sure she has my undivided attention and love during these only-child years. When God is ready for her to be a big sister, He will inform me :)
“…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Philippians 4:11
God’s timing and plan is PERFECT and I trust in Him. It feels so good to let go of my control (that I thought I had) and give it to my Father!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
1 comment:
I know those feelings. Thanks for being open and sharing! We wanted our kids closer together, but God had other - better - plans. I wouldn't change it for the world! But it was a tough journey to get here. And totally worth it.
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