Picture this: I'm in my pajamas, hair knotted up in a ponytail type thing, wrapped in a fleece blanket eating Crunch 'n Munch out of the box and drinking a Sobe, staring blankly at the computer screen wondering what to blog about. I would probably consider my life as "normal", not extremely boring to where I can't write about something, but not all that exciting to where I'm busting at the seams writing hastily about what is going on in my life. So here I sit, pondering...
I've decided to tell you all some NEWS! I'm very hesitant to do so, and you will know why at the end of the post. So here goes nothing. ::sigh::
***We have started trying for baby number 2.*** ::winces::
For those of you who know me personally, I have fought with this decision, as well as the hubbs, for months now. Our first experience was not the most ideal. We tried for a year and ended up conceiving on Clomid. The whole pregnancy was nothing but stress. If it wasn't me being sick, having sciatica, varicose veins or extreme fatigue, it was the baby measuring small or something of the like. Then, OH THEN, the delivery. Yikes. Never want to go through that again. In a nutshell...post partum hemorrhage for me, pulmonary hemorrhage for babe. It was rough.
Now, I have ran this "trying" thing through my head about 5,231,853 times and these are the pros and cons I came up with:
Pros:
*Mia NEEDS a sibling-I hated being an only child for 12 years.
*My uterus is aching for a baby :)
*Mia LOVES babies! She rocks them, pats them, feeds them...
*I miss having a baby. I have a toddler now and miss a baby!
*I only wanted 2-3 years between children
*I have always wanted multiple children
*More kids to help with the household chores :))
*Mia will have a playmate and a friend
*My husband is an only child and always wanted siblings.
*Hubbs is dying for more children-I can't deny him that, right?!
*I finally WANT another!
Cons:
*I don't know that I can love another child the way that I love Mia
*Will grandparents love the new one as much?
*Will everyone forget about Mia? I can't have that!
*Less time/attention/money for Mia
*Mia will always be my favorite, right?
*Everyone else's opinion
*What if I can't handle another?
*Babysitter situation: who wants to watch BOTH of my kiddos?!
So, these are the things my mind races around every day. I'm mentally exhausted already!
I think I'm finally coming around because we are settled in our new house, where we plan to stay for a very long time-if not forever. Mia is becoming much more independent. My scholarship will be paid off by next summer and Dave said I could work part-time (2 12hour shifts per week). I feel like everything is falling into place, yet still nervous. Is it really time for this AGAIN?
The reason I hated "officially" saying that we are "trying" is because now everyone knows. Now people will feel free to make comments and judgements. Every month people will ask "pregnant?" I want this to be low key. I do not feel as pressured this time. If I can't have another baby, I'm ok with that because I have the best thing ever already! If I do get pregnant, GREAT! I am determined not to let this affect mine and the hubbs relationship/sex life (sorry if that is TMI-it's my blog I can say whatever I want!). I refuse to let this cut into my Mia time. I will not let my mind wrap so far into this that it affects everything in my life. I did all of this with Mia and will NOT do it this time!
I want this whole experience/pregnancy to be completely different from that of Mia. I want to be more laid back and relaxed and actually ENJOY this pregnancy! I don't want to rush it through, but enjoy just "being" pregnant and feeling the move of the baby.
All I can ask is that you pray for God's will to be done in our lives. We are not in control and I trust that He will do whatever is best for us. What do you think?? This is the one and only time I am ASKING for you opinion, so please take this opportunity and comment! After this, you are cut off until asked! HA!
Thank you in advance for all of your support. I love you all!
8 comments:
How exciting! I'll definitely be praying for you guys! I don't think you should worry about not loving another child enough and Mia is going to be a great big sister!
Lauren, I think this is WONDERFUL news!! For a long time, I have stressed about what is the perfect timing between children. But I have figured out that God works in ways unbeknownst to us! I know it is stressful to even begin to think about having another baby, but remember that instant love you had for Mia? It will be the same way if you all do have another baby! I am excited and nervous for you! But I know that you and Dave are wonderful parents to a lucky little girl and you would be SOO blessed to share that love with another child!
Hey girlie, good luck on the ttc again...Just wanted to comment about not loving another as much as you do Mia. I was really worried that i would not be able to love Tate as much as I loved Trevor. To the point that it actually scared me,i mean I loved being preggo with Tate just as much as I did with Trevor, but I had fears that it would not be the same. I was wrong, I guess its just natural because I love both of my boys with all of my heart and would give my life for both, so don't worry about that, its just there. Also, the time between them, its just works itself out. It's like when you gain a child you gain energy and patience...lol if thats possible.
I say go for it! God will be your guide. As far as loving another baby as much as Mia-don't worry. Take it from a mother of four-there is plenty of love to go around. You will love each one differently and there will always be a special place for each one! Good luck with this venture! Love you, Lisa
I am SO GLAD we had our girls close together. I wouldn't change it for anything. We heard plenty of opinions, but that kind of thing is no one's business but yours. If you both are ready and it's what you want, then go for it!
I'll be praying for you guys as you start on this journey! Just remember that every conception, pregnancy, birth, child is so different - so many of the negative things you experienced might not happen again. And, yes, the grandparents will love the second one just as much :)
Lauren I think its great that you & Dave are "trying" for another baby. You are exactly right, Mia needs a sibling! As I was reading all your cons, I remember thinking the same exact things. You don't know it now & I know its hard to imagine but I PROMISE you will love your 2nd just as much as your 1st. And no one will forget about Mia, I was scared everyone would forget about Blake when Mason came along too. Just make sure you & everyone else continue to show her attention as well as the baby. Two babies are ALOT & I mean ALOT harder than one, its amazing how one more baby added to the mix can totally turn everything around, but its so worth it :) Takes some time getting used to & quite a bit of work but who said being a mommy was easy, right? Makes you realize how much freedom you had with just one child lol. You and Dave would be great with 10 kids though! Good Luck!
As a mother of an 26 year old only child, I regret not giving her a sibling. She is missing that bond of having a sister or brother, and then her children will not have aunts & uncles. Kinda sad.
On another note - Taking care of my Dad, I know how much it helps to have siblings to help out. Doing it alone is too hard.
And then when Garry and I get older, she will have to take that responsibility on alone. (Heaven help her) LOL. Others can help her but not like your sis or brother.
Selfishly, I wish for more children, then I would have more visits, more phone calls. Nicole does a lot - she loves family - but what if I had her double or tripled. What joy! -Because she is the joy in my life!
And please don't worry about loving more or less - God is love and if you have him in your heart - there is enough love to go around for all.
Just my opinion! Lisa had told me how cool your blog was and I totally agree. It's awesome!
Good Luck and God Bless you guys!
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