Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Spring cleaning and De-hoarding

The weather was so nice today, so we opened the windows up and did some deep spring cleaning!  It feels SO good to really scrub your house down and de clutter and get rid of stuff.  While we were cleaning out the refrigerator, this little lady was getting MESSY!

Silly girl playing Peek-a-boo with her bowl!

Dave and I had a discussion, and with the recent health scare and life style changes taking place, we decided to NOT have any more children.  Although this is bittersweet to me, I am excited about moving forward and giving our two girls our very best.  The thought of never carrying a baby in my belly anymore, or never breastfeeding another little one, and never doing skin to skin with a squishy newborn again seriously makes me want to cry, but I know this is what is right for our family.
So, we decided to get rid of the the baby stuff.  We sold the swing, bumbo, boppy’s, bath seat, jumperoo, etc.  It felt great to de-hoard (haha), but was definitely a sad moment.  I look forward to what this next season holds.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Allergy testing, Life Bar and clean eating

This morning, my poor big girl had to have allergy testing.  For the past week or two, she has been breaking out with these random hives.  Different places of her body, some big, some small.  They would come and go.  Dr. Kim said it was probably caused by some unknown allergy.  But if you know me, an “unknown allergy” is not an acceptable answer for me.  HA!  So we took her to have her tested.


Poor girl :(  And yes, I swear we feed her.  She is just a skinny mini!
Mia is allergic to tons of environmental things, such as tree pollen, dust mites, ragweed, etc.  Sorry baby girl for giving you mommas allergies.  The best part?  Our city was ranked #1 for most terrible city for people with allergies to live in.  Great. Dave said we needed to move to the beach! I’m on board!

We are still loving juicing and clean eating.  It tastes great and makes you feel great!

Mia enjoying her juice (with lots of hidden spinach!) and our home made pizza. Crust is gluten free Naan, hemp oil, sautéed mushroom and onions, fresh organic tomato, organic spinach, feta cheese and avocado.  YUMMY!!!

Since we are loving the whole juice thing, we decided to stop by a local juice store, called Life Bar.  They make all organic juices/smoothies with lots of additional herbs and vitamins. I am a firm believer in herbs and not as much medicine.  I believe that God put everything we need for our bodies on this earth and we don’t need everything “man made.”

My Avocado Dream juice, with an “immunity booster.”  Amazingly delicious and filling!

We are loving this new SUPER healthy life style!

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Matching girls and park time

My mom bought the girls these super adorable matching outfits from Janie and Jack and I just can’t help myself, they are so dag on cute!

Not really great pictures, but you get the gist!!
Walking out of church, hand in hand. Melt my heart.



We are still into the juicing, and we are getting better at it!

Next up, park time with the family and my parents to enjoy the weather!



My boo…
Love this boy more than life.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Gymnastics and Juicing

This morning we went to Mia’s gymnastics lesson!  She is LOVING it, by the way.  I think we found her niche. 

2/3 of my heart.

Due to some recent devastating health news, we decided to start juicing and being more healthy.  I hate that it took this to get our butts in gear, but better late than never. 

Finley loving some organic tangerine!

His first juice!  Carrots, spinach, apple and oranges!
Believe it or not, it’s delicious!

Saturday afternoon my parents came over and spent the day with us.  I am so thankful to have such a wonderful support system.  From people calling, texting, babysitting our girls, offering any service we need, to just physically being there with us, we appreciate it all SO much!

My ladies!

Despite everything going on in our lives right now, we are trying to enjoy every moment!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The day our lives changed.

Today became the worst day of my life.

For the past couple of months, Dave has been experiencing pain and swelling in his left forearm.  At first he just dealt with it and pushed through the pain and attributed it to tendonitis.  After a bit, the pain wasn’t getting any better, so he told the therapists at work.  Since he does repetitive movement at work, they just tried to ice/heat and physical therapy.  Over a couple of weeks, nothing was helping and he was becoming increasingly debilitated in that arm, in where he couldn’t turn his palm up.  Finally, after many people at work checked him out, they referred him to Kutz and Kleinert Hand Center.

The next week we had an appointment with the K&K doctors.  They said he had carpal tunnel in his wrist, tendonitis in his shoulder and a possible muscle or tendon tear in his forearm (causing the pain, swelling, knot and inability to turn it over).  The next step was an MRI, to tell them exactly what was torn.  We were prepared for a surgery.

We had the MRI on Monday, April 21st.  The next day, Dave called to get his results.  And that is when my world came crashing down around me.

The medical assistant told us that they normally don’t tell patients their results over the phone, unless it was by a doctor. Dave’s doctor happened to be out of town that week.  The MA told us that because the doctor was out of town and they didn’t want us to wait, she would tell us the results.

“Well, I have bad news. You have a bone tumor. We are referring you to a surgical oncologist.”

I was lying on the bed by Dave as he spoke to the assistant on the phone.  When he hung up, I could tell there wasn’t something wrong.  He looked at me with a confused look on his face and said “I have a bone tumor.”  I immediately start freaking out, all while in denial.  NO.WAY.  This is not happening.  Wait.  What?  I can not even explain all of my emotions at that moment.

Dave went on to work (although I begged him not to, because of my emotional state and the news we had just received.  I just could not process it) and I called my parents.  They all came over to be of support to me.  We did the terrible “googling” medical advice thing, which scares you shitless.  However, most bone tumors are benign.  It is rare to just get a malignant bone tumor (not originating in another area).  Dave had also recently been to his family doctor (3 weeks prior) and had routine blood work done and they were all normal.  I found a sliver of comfort in those things.

We had an appointment set with the surgical oncologist on that next Friday, the 25th.  The next couple of days was pure agony.  The not knowing and the waiting is awful.  The constantly going back and forth between worrying and then reasoning with yourself why it’s NOT cancer.  He’s (newly) 30.  He has never smoked. He drinks VERY little (socially).  There is no family history.  He is healthy.  Not overweight. Blood work good.  No other symptoms.

We’ve got this.  Or so I thought.

Thursday we had to go pick up the MRI disc to take it to the oncologist appointment on Friday.  When we picked up the disc, they also gave us the Radiologist report.

“Probable CANCER.”

I can’t tell you what the rest of it said, because once you see that, you can’t process anything else.  Everyone who knows me, knows I’m a hypochondriac. And my absolute nightmare/phobia is CANCER.  My heart sank, yet was beating out of my chest.  I could feel the blood drain out of my face.  I looked at my sweet husband and almost lost it, but decided to be strong in front of him, for him.  We tried to go about our day, staying busy and holding out hope that the radiologist doesn’t know for sure.

Friday was the appointment with the surgical oncologist.  I was sick to my stomach.  Dave’s blood pressure was through the roof.  This was the moment.  Keep in mind that this day, April 25, was normally a very HAPPY day for us.  It is the anniversary of bringing our first born baby girl home from the NICU.  We celebrate her every year.

The doctor entered the room and I don’t remember all that he said, but I do remember saying it was some kind of sarcoma (cancer) and that he needed a biopsy so we could figure out which type of bone cancer he had and that way we would know how to treat it.  We talked worst case scenario of Dave losing his arm (not a big deal for me, but obviously, for him, that was a terrible outcome.  Right above the other thing that you associate with cancer, that I won’t even say).  The doctor told us they would do everything they could to shrink the tumor and save his arm, but he would have to refer us to an orthopedic doctor, since he didn’t do that type of cancer treatment.  He also ordered Dave to have a chest CT scan, to make sure it hadn’t spread to the chest.

I wasn’t even thinking about it being any where else!!  Now I’m REALLY freaking out.

When Dave went to his CT scan (that same day, right after his appointment), I sat in the waiting room, lonely. Hopeless.  Miserable.  I was sitting in the room with all OLDER adults.  Then there is me.  A 29 year old, mother of 2 young baby girls, waiting for her young, healthy husband to find out if cancer had spread to his chest.

I called my mom and bawled like a baby.  The amount of ache in my heart is immeasurable. I literally want to die.  Please God, let it be me!  I can’t live without him.

After we left the hospital, Dave had already scheduled this day off from work (all before this started) and scheduled a tattoo appointment.  He wanted to go through with it.  So Dave’s mom came out to watch the girls so that I could go spend time with him while he was getting his new ink. 


The new ink.  The pocket watch is set on the time Mia was born.  The Roman numerals are Finley’s birth day.  The key is a symbol for the girls, and how they hold the key to his heart.  The “Mia” and “Finley” tattoos were already there.

My thinking has all of a sudden changed.  I didn’t care about money.  I didn’t care about clothes we would wear, cars we would drive or big nice places to live in.  As long as I have my family, I have it all.  God will provide the rest.  Although, I was certainly mad at Him.  I just can’t understand.

While I was waiting on Dave to finish up with his tattoo, my dad rode down to see us and take me to dinner. Dad and I sat at that table in the middle of the restaurant and just bawled our eyes out.  We were hurt, pissed, sad, scared, hopeful.  All of those emotions were flowing into one.  This seriously could not be happening.  For the past few days, I have continually said “this is just a nightmare.  This is not really happening. This is not my life.”

We spent the weekend together, loving on each other, crying (mostly all me) and trying to stay busy.  My mind has played some horrible tricks on me and has had some terrible thoughts.  I’ve prayed harder than ever before, but was still mad at His plan.

We had the biopsy done the following Tuesday.  My mom and Dave’s dad came with us.  And Tina came to watch the girls for us.  I am so thankful for such a wonderful support system.  When Dave went back, I called the doctors office to find out the results of the CT scan.  I was on hold for 30 minutes, but I wasn't hanging up.  I was going to get the answer, even though I did, but didn’t, really want to know.  I had a lump in my throat the whole time I was on the phone.

Pam, the doctors nurse, finally answered and when I asked her for the results, she said “Ok, let me see if the doctor is available.  Hold on just a second.”  A minute later she was back on the phone and said “I guess I can tell you because he just handed the report to me.”  She began reading the report and my heart was racing.  Just cut to the chase, lady.  She read “No evidence of metastasis to the chest.”

I felt the huge weight melt off of me.  I smiled for the first time in days.  I felt a sense of peace.  Praise God for small miracles and the silver lining!

As of today, May 2, we are still awaiting the biopsy results.  Again, the waiting is painful.  I just want to know what type so we can get started on a treatment plan.  I want to move on with this terrible chapter and close that book, never to open it again.

This is not supposed to happen.  He is my absolute best friend in the whole world and we are supposed to grow old together.  He is supposed to walk our girls down the isle.  Scare all the boys that try to date our daughters.  Protect them from whatever comes their way.  We are supposed to have fun and spoil our grand kids together and marvel at the beautiful and amazing women that we brought into this world, together.  We are supposed to move to a small condo when our kids are gone and take trips together.  We are supposed to be like “The Notebook” and die together, while holding hands and still madly in love.

I know we will get through this.  God is our maker, and our healer.  The lover of our souls.  He has a plan, whether we can see it or not.  It is humanly impossible to not question Him and be angry with Him, but I still have to constantly remind myself that He loves us and that He will take care of us.  We can’t see the forest through the trees, but He can.

I will continue to pray like never before.  We have completely changed our life style.  We now juice, 3 times per day, and eat squeaky clean.  I’m talking all organic, no gluten, no refined sugar, no processed foods and lots of fruits and veggies.  I have Dave started on a multi vitamin, a vitamin D supplement, probiotics, a calcium supplement and a bitter melon supplement (for blood sugar regulation, since cancer feeds on sugar).  Cancer done EFFED with the wrong family!

I am doing EVERYTHING in my power/control to help him.  I am also looking into Holistic healing, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, acupuncture, etc.  WE WILL BEAT THIS!

For now, we have an appointment on Tuesday, May 6th, with an orthopedic oncologist (I wanted a second opinion) and we will wait to see what the other doctor says.  They are supposed to be referring us to the James Graham Brown Cancer Center.

“I hope you live to be 100 years old, and I live to be 100 years, minus one day, so that I never have to live a day without you.”

My 3 girls

Just because they are so stinking cute…


Love all my girls and this weather!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Easter 2014

We had such a great Easter!  We are so thankful that the Lord is risen! He is ALIVE!!!  He conquered sin and death so that we may have eternal life in heaven.  What a selfless gift!  So we started our day at church, to celebrate!

My sweet blessings…


After church, we headed to Nuna and Kyle’s for a family get together!  We spent time with some of our favorites, ate lots of good food and had an Easter egg hunt for the kiddos!


Classic Mia…
Love my pretty girl SOOO much!


Sweet cousins! Mr. Charlie is so awesome with the babies!

Is there anything sweeter than a baby in a Maxi dress??  I think not.

Be still my heart…

Cousins! Minus the sweet babies!

Egg hunt fun!!

Daddy helping Fin…

Girlfriend was all business..

Her loot!

And Finley’s…

The girls baskets from home…

And just because she is such a goob…


I am one blessed and happy mama!  Thank you Jesus!
Happy Easter everyone!