Thursday, July 31, 2014

Quick Thursday update

After Dave’s transfusion on Tuesday, he had follow up blood work today.  The girls and I tagged along.


Unfortunately, after the 2 units he got on Tuesday, his HGB still went down to 7point something (transfusion level).  So, he got stuck in the clinic for another 5 hours, getting another 2 units of blood.  As much as I hate it for him, he NEEDS it and it makes him feel better.  I’m so serious when I say CHEMO.IS.POISON.  It has crashed his body and it is so sad to watch.
God please heal my husband!
Tina (Nuna) watched the girls for a few hours for me while I ran some errands and Dave was being transfused.  So thankful for her and her family for being so flexible and loving and selfless to our family and for keeping them whenever I need.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

I can’t make this crap up

Let me preface this with “Mia is healing well.  She has never complained of pain and has never had any pain medicine!  She is such a tough little trooper!”

Ok, so, today after work, I was driving home and got a phone.  From the surgeon.  She started with saying “The part of the node we sent to micro has, so far, come back fine.  But.  Oh, nothing bad, like cancer.  I just want to get that out of the way!”

Well then what in the heck is the “But”???

She continued, “The part that was sent to pathology was lost.  They can not find it anywhere.”

Let that sink in for a minute.

You have got to be kidding me?  I didn’t even know what to say.  Like, the one thing that we were doing the whole entire surgery for was for that ONE part.  The one thing that could give us the answer has.been.lost.  Is this real life?

Dr. Downard proceeded to tell me that that has NEVER happened before and they had no idea what happened.  I asked her how we would ever know if it was or wasn’t cancer.  The answer is that, we won’t know.  Until further symptoms come up, that is.  I have been on the phone with the medical director for Kosair Children’s Hospital and Mia’s pediatrician.  The director could only say “he’s very sorry” and that we wouldn’t have to pay a bill. Umm, DUH.  I wasn’t going to.  TRUST ME.  Poor Dr. Kim was trying his best to soothe me, but he knows how I am and I am beyond help.  Now, I will never have a peace of mind.  I will always have the “possibility of cancer” in the back of my mind. 

Y’all, I AM SO OVER 2014.  This family has had so much go on.  This feels SO unfair.  I just can’t understand.  I know that God has a plan, but right now, the plan hurts like hell.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Blood and girl day

While Dave was at the clinic getting a blood transfusion today, I took the girls to breakfast, went shopping for school supplies and played at the house! 

My two little besties…

Mia riding her new big girl bike!

I know I’ve said this before, but as much as I hate that my firstborn is getting so big, I love buying these SUPER girly school supplies!  My mom always made me buy the boring, solid color, ten cent folders (lol, I tease her about this all the time!), but this mama?  Bought the AWESOME ones, including the Lisa Frank ones :) HAHA.

After daddy got his transfusion, we met up for dinner, followed by a relaxing night at home. 
I just love seeing how much the girls adore their daddy, and how much he adores them.  Melts my heart.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Surgery Monday, Mia edition

This morning was Mia’s scheduled surgery to remove and biopsy her lymph node.  Dave was feeling so terrible, that I told him to go to the doctor and get some fluids (and possibly blood) and I would take care of Mia.  Besides, my parents, brother, Nuna and Dave’s parents where there with us.  He hated not being there, but he was in no shape to do anything but get himself to the doctor.

Mia was so sweet and did so good this morning!  I told her what we were doing when we were on our way and she didn’t get upset or anything!

Her name on the surgery board when we walked in.

Those freckles, that hand placement, that FACE!  Ahhh I love my big girl!

Being so cooperative with the nurses; Playing stickers with Poppy while we wait.

Aaaand, the Versed has kicked in…


This girl was so crazy on Versed!  I can’t even post some of the pictures of her “flashing” everyone in the room!  HAHA  Again, I’m in trouble in the teenage years.

Waiting for her sister.

My poor girl after surgery.  The total procedure took about 45 minutes and then she “recovered” for an additional 45 minutes.  That was a LONG 90 minutes for the mama being away from her baby. 

Dr. Downard (the surgeon) said that the lymph node looked normal, but they cut it in half, and sent half to pathology (to check for cancer) and the other half to microbiology (for virus, infection, etc.).  She said Mia did well and should recover well at home.  We should find out the results this week or next.


I am so thankful for all of our family support and for everyone being there for us during this crazy time/year.

***In the meantime, Dave was at the cancer clinic, receiving fluids (because he was dehydrated, duh) and then they told him he had to come in tomorrow to get a blood transfusion!  Poor guy!***

Once we all got home, we took naps (EXCEPT for Mia!  That girl was feeling fine and up eating!) and then we all went to Toys R Us, because we promised her a special treat for her surgery.  Girlfriend, of course, wanted a new bike.  Go big or go home, right?!

And then we found this super cool thing-y…
It helps little kiddos start out with balance and all that jazz.  Finley LOVED it!  Why yes, I am that parent that let my kid walk around bare footed on the store floor.  Sue me.

What a day!
Please pray for Mia, dear friends and family.  Pray for completely normal results and for her healing!

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Discharge day!

Dave got to come home this morning!  Yay, but nay.  He’s feeling pretty rough and honestly probably should not have left the hospital.  His HGB was in the low 8’s, he had been throwing up (this is the first round he’s done that.  AND!  He would not tell his nurses because he didn’t want to have to stay) and hasn’t eaten much in 3 days.  I told him he should stay, take Phenergan and blood and come home tomorrow, but he was SO ready to get out and come home, he wouldn’t stay.  We are always happy to have him home, but seeing him feel so terrible is miserable.  Especially knowing there is nothing I can do to help him.  This round has definitely been the hardest.

Just some pictures of this hot mess girl of mine…



Please keep Dave in your prayers!  Thanks so much!

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Round 4, Day 5 and 6

Day 5.  The girls and I hung around the house and pool today for a while.  It’s so hard to spend a lot of time at the hospital with both kids, and it’s totally not their fault.  It’s hard being little and not being about to do anything or touch anything and to be super quiet.  So, after pool and nap, we headed for our usual trip to Target (have I told you lately how my kid is totally my BFF? My wingman?  Girlfriend LOVES to shop!) and then went to visit daddy for a bit.  Meme came to the hospital to visit and then took the girls home to spend the night with her.  I spent the night with Dave, to spend time with him, and also because I had to work the next day.  He is still pretty miserable, but he was able to eat some Chinese food.  Not my preference for him, but it’s CALORIES!

Day 6.  Chemo is DONE.  Now just 24 hours of Mesna and he will be home.  I worked 12 hours today, which is a lot easier when I can stop in and see him all throughout the day!  He still feels like crap though :(  His HGB is down to 8.3 and WBC 2.4.  Yep, every cycle of chemo he starts out lower and lower and his counts get lower and lower before we even leave.  So thankful this is his last one for a bit and he can have a break!  HATE seeing him like this.  He absolutely breaks my in two.  All I can do is be there with him, and that sucks, because all I want to do is fix him!  He has always been so strong and has made himself go to work when he was legitimately SICK, but chemo?  Sucks the life right out of him.  Literally.  I wish I could take it for him.

Please be praying for great scan results, as he will have a PET scan sometime within the next week or two.  Pray that there was significant reduction in size of the tumor, or even better, pray for NED (No Evidence of Disease)!  Pray boldly friends.  I know He is more than capable.
Also, please pray for Mia as she has her surgery Monday.  Pray for a successful surgery, minimal pain and a benign pathology for my girl.
Please pray for me, as I am struggling emotionally, with a few different things, obvious and not obvious.

Thank you again to all who are there for us, pray for us, text us, etc.  You know who you are.  We are thankful for you.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Round 4, Day 3 and 4

Day 3.  I worked and Dave just laid around and slept.  Day 3 is always when he starts to feel down and crummy :(  Unfortunately, other than the meds they give him and rest, there is nothing I can do for him.  It breaks my heart.  All of his labs and still hanging in and around normal.

Day 4.  The girls and I had a slow morning. After the busy week, it was nice to not have to rush off anywhere.  Mia had a doctors appointment with a Pediatric Surgeon this afternoon.  She has had this lump on her neck for a few months now.  At first it would come and go, but the last couple of months, it hasn’t moved.  It hasn’t changed size or caused her any pain.  Dr. Kim said it was just a reactive lymph node and was completely normal.  But, since everyone, everyone, knows how I am, knows that that is just not an acceptable answer for me.  Yes, I absolutely trust Dr. Kim, but he knows me so well that he went ahead and referred us to a surgeon so that we could take that sucker out and be done with it. That way I have a definitive answer and can relax.  He said he wanted to take one thing off of my plate of anxiety! 

When it rains, it pours, people.  True story.

So, needless to say, we had that appointment today.  And Nuna brought her sweet little self along with us to help me and be a support.  I don’t know what I would do without my family!


Dr. Downard is the surgeon who evaluated her.  She said the same thing as Dr. Kim.  She thinks it is just a reactive lymph node that would be benign, but the only way to know 100% is to take it out.  And when are we going to take it out?  MONDAY MORNING.  As in, THIS MONDAY.  She said it was a simple, outpatient procedure that would require minimal recovery time.  Although I HATE to put my baby through it, I HAVE to get it out for a peace of mind, especially with our current situation.



After her appointment, us girls had lunch at McAlister’s for FREE TEA DAY! WHAT?! 
Delicious half and half on this hot summer day!

Next up, visit with daddy!
Or take over his bed and TV, whatever.


Daddy is still feeling pretty yucky.  Nausea and weakness, followed up with Zofran and Ativan.  It’s the carousel.  I can’t wait to get him away from all this crap and go to the beach.  Vacation is going to be so refreshing.  I can’t wait to spend time with the ones I love the most, at one of my favorite spots in the world (beside the ocean), while trying to escape reality for a week.
It can’t get here soon enough.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Round 4, Day 2

This day brought to you by the word Overwhelmed.

“To load, heap, treat, or address with an overpowering, or excessive amount of anything.” or “To cover or bury beneath a mass of something…”

That is exactly what I feel right now.  I’m not crying out for attention, just writing my feelings.  My to-do list today alone could have made me cry.  Or maybe it’s just my hormones.  Regardless, days like today make me appreciate my coworker in this parenting business even more.  I feel completely defeated, exhausted.  But at the end of the day, right before I crash, I feel a little like Super Woman. 

Our day started with our beach/Kindergarten hair trims!

We then went straight to Finley’s 18 month appointment…

We grabbed some lunch (my poor kids are always eating on the run these days.) and went to visit daddy for a couple of hours. 
Next up, dinner with some friends, followed by packing the girls (all 3 of them) and taking them to Meme and Poppy’s house to spend the night. We did a couple of small errands before and in between our day as well.  I know it doesn’t sound like much, but trust me, it was.

This picture pretty much describes me at the moment…
Waving the white flag!!!!

Dave is still doing pretty good today.  He was able to eat lunch, but is starting with some nausea.  He also got up and went outside for about an hour today.  Tomorrow will start the downhill effect for him, but we are trying to concentrate on the beach!  Last treatment until we get back from the beach, and possible even longer if they decide to do surgery.  He is actually looking forward to surgery because of how bad the chemo makes him feel.  Pretty sad, huh?
Day 2, in the books.

Finley is 18 months!

My teeny tiny princess is officially a year and a half old!  How could this be?

This little sack o’ sugar and spice weighs in at 19 lbs. 6 ounces and 28 inches long and has 8 teeth.  She is no longer on the charts she is so tiny.  Her head is still hanging tough in the 25% though! HAHA  All those brains, I tell ya.
Other than being a petite little lady, she is perfectly healthy in her own small packaging!! 


Sleep:  Girlfriend sleeps about 10 hours a night, from about 8-9 pm to about 630-730am.  Her naps are getting shorter (two day naps, one for about 30 min-1hour, the second for about an hour, maybe 2) and further apart.  I don’t know how much of it has to do with our new schedule and always running and going with different people, but her schedule is a thing of the past.  Although this kind of pains my green self, I have to let it go.  God is really working on multiple things with me right now.

Eat: I don’t know where it has come from, but sister is PICKY.  I hope and pray it is just a stage, but the girl won’t try new things, and only likes a handful of different foods.  It is driving me crazy.  She used to be a great eater!  I always said I didn’t want to have a picky kid, but, I got one. For now, at least.  I have to squeeze her nutrients in wherever I can hide them.  She will drink the juice I make, her milk is either Almond Milk or Flax milk + added protein, and her bars are healthy (the one thing she will always eat).  She has a sweet tooth.  Or, 8 of them!  She can tear up some sweets, so I definitely try to limit it.  She won’t touch fruits or veggies anymore, and my heart breaks for that.  She loves carbs, what can I say? Please just be a stage!


Social:  This lady is a social butterfly.  She looks at every kid and points at them while saying “Baby!”  She smiles and waves to almost everyone.  She blows kisses and it’s about one of the cutest things ever.  She is obsessed with her sister and her boy cousins!  She kisses Sam (and on the snout, while Sam licks her mouth. Yes, I am that mom and allow that to happen. Judge away.) more than she kisses us.  She is not a TV watcher.  At this point, Mia was really into Minnie Mouse.  Finley isn’t into any particular character or show.

Skills and speech: Finley talks A.LOT.  She says mama, mommy, daddy, Mia, dogdog, byebye, all gone, uh oh, nose, no no no, booby (she has an obsession!), belly, shoe, chawly (Charlie), bwody (Brody), Ma (Max), Ja (Jack), Hawley (Harley), obviously some trouble with the R’s. HA! nigh nigh, baby, yeah, Nuna, meme, B, Hoppy (Poppy), Nana, Nina, eat, pizza and more I’m sure, I just can’t think of them all.


She can follow simple commands, has a serious attachment to her paci and blankie, blows kisses, signs for more and eat, plays peek a boo, points to everything.  Girlfriend KNOWS what she wants and will swat your hand away, shake her head and say “nononono” if it’s not what she wants.
Finley is becoming quite the independent little lady.  She will not tolerate someone feeding her (after all, that is for babies!) or holding her hand.  She has to do everything her way.  She will yell at her sister and say say “MIAAAA” and smack at her.  She has started having little tantrums when she doesn’t get her way and she no longer gets her feelings hurt when I tell her NO.  Oh my, how things have changed over the past 6 months!  I for sure thought I was going to get my laid back kid, but she is showing signs of her strong will, just like her sis.  How will I be able to handle two of those??  Maybe this is just a stage too?!  ;)


She can point to/show you her belly, ears, eyes, boobies, head and nose.  She loves to dance to music (just like sis, mom and dad) and is very loving and affectionate to her sister and cousins, showering them with hugs, aka tackles or choke holds, and kisses.
Finley Claire, you are a feisty and spicy little lady.  You make our hearts so full and our lives complete.  Your smile and laugh could light up the room.  I can’t imagine a day without you.  You are an absolute light and joy.  You are so much fun and we love watching you grow into your own little person.  You are hilarious just like your big sister.  Your daddy and I love you to the moon and back.  There could never be enough words to tell you how much is so.  We are obsessed with you baby girl.  I pray for you everyday to be a strong follower of the Lord, for you to be happy and secure in your own skin and to follow your dreams.  You are a beautiful and smart little girl and I have full confidence that you will accomplish whatever it is you want to do.  I’m so thankful you are mine.  Love you forever, sweet baby girl.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Round 4, Day 1

Just a quick update.  Dave was admitted this morning for Round 4.  His WBC was 6, HGB 9.3, Platelets 87.  Although those aren’t awesome numbers, they are good enough for them to start the next round. I hate it though, because each time we start a new round, his numbers are getting lower and lower.  It’s like his body doesn’t have enough time to recover before we shut it down again.  And that scares the crap out of me. I mean, what are his numbers going to be by the start of round 17?

Tina kept the girls this morning while we got admitted and later in the afternoon, Mom and I took the the girls, along with Brody, Jackson, Aunt Terri and Sam to a local park to walk and ride their bikes. As much as I hate leaving Dave, he told me he wanted me to be with the girls.  He said he hates this for them because they don’t understand.  He told me he was fine and would miss me, but to go have some fun and be with them.  Regardless of what he says, either way is hard for me.  I’ve said it multiple times before, if I’m with him, I miss them and vice versa.  There is no easy or perfect answer.  Some may say what they would do, but you never know until you are faced with this situation.  And I don’t wish it on anyone.
Will this ever get any easier?

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Back to church!

We’ve been missing church the past couple of months, because of the given.  Not because we are angry and don’t want to go, but because we physically haven’t been able too.  But we went back today and it felt GREAT!  It’s always nice to go back to a place where you are missed and people come up and squeeze your neck and ask about you and pray with you and who call your child by their name as if they hadn’t missed a beat.

This girl dressed herself for church this morning…
So stinking cute!

We did some more mall walking (I swear we don’t spend every time we go, we just like to get out and DO) and then came home because I had to go to work tonight.  I thoroughly enjoyed this weekend before Chemo week, which starts tomorrow.
Please keep us in your prayers!

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Shopping and sushi

This morning started out with gymnastics.  Mia’s last one will be the end of July.  I feel like I need to break her from this for a little bit while she gets adjusted to Kindergarten, and then we can restart it later.  Plus, she has been getting put in combined classes with the younger age group because of lack of attendance from other students.  So therefore, she is doing a lot of stuff that is well below her skill set, and that just kind of rubs me the wrong way.  I know, SURPRISE. But seriously, I don’t want to pay this money for her to run under a parachute, yaknowwhatImean?

Little sis doing her thang while big sis does hers…

Then we went to walk around the mall with Aunt Terri, Jackson and Nana.  They should know better than to take me and my girls to the mall ;)

You guys, I know I say this all.the.time. but I seriously feel like when God made me, my title was “Girl Mom.”  My dreams came true by having not one, but TWO, little girls.  I’ve dreamt of doing their hair and painting their nails, and dresses and bows, etc. since I was a young girl.  And now that Mia is in this age of Claire’s is my favorite store, I am giddy inside.  She LOVES to go in and pick out earring and headband and necklaces and purses!  And I can’t lie, I love it just as much as she does.
You can’t really see it, but she picked out some new dangly earrings.  And BOOM, she’s a teenager.

And I could just eat this little sugar muffin with a spoon.  She oozes the charm.

Making wishes…

We stopped by Whole Foods to get some groceries and lunch after shopping.  While the girls napped, Daddy and I had a lunch date outside.  It’s the little things!
We take our alone time together whatever way we can!

My heart is so overjoyed and overfilled with love for these people.  Despite the situation, I am SO BLESSED.  My eyes well up with tears even thinking of the love I have for them.
Thank you, Lord.  I am underserving of these gifts.