Maybe a tad bit better. Dave still feels pretty crummy. He gets out of breath just getting up to go to the bathroom. My heart is breaking all over again. As if I didn’t think I could possibly take anymore, life says Challenge Accepted. Seeing him feel so terrible, not eating and not getting out of bed is so upsetting because I want SO BAD to help him. Heal him. Take away all of this for him. But it is so out of my control (which we all know has been a struggle of mine for like, EVER.). I am learning to let it go. SLOWLY. This is a learning process. I’ve been this way all of my life. It’s what I know. I’m a fixer. And I can’t FIX him.
He didn’t run a high fever through the night, but was on constant Tylenol. He did sleep pretty well, which is good. His labs came back with a WBC count of 0.09 and Platelets of 20. To those of you unfamiliar with those things, the WBC count in a normal person is a range of 4.5-10. The WBC are what fights infection for us. We all have bacteria in our gut and on our skin, but our immune system takes care of them without us even knowing. Now, take away all of our “defense” and those bacteria go crazy and cause infection. There is nothing that we did to cause this, just his own system couldn’t control the bacteria. Unfortunately, killing all of the good stuff is part of chemotherapy. It seems to me like there would be something out there to kill just the bad and leave our own immunity alone. But, that is not the case right now, so we have to do whatever the doctors tell us to do. Now, platelets in a normal healthy person is a range anywhere from 150-300. Our platelets are what clots our blood when we get a scrape or a cut. Dave’s platelets are 20, so basically, he can bleed very easily. This is dangerous if we were to fall or get hurt, etc. Again, part of the chemo.
It just really sucks because before this chemo, although he had cancer (before we knew), he was super healthy. Going to work every day. Plenty of energy. Great appetite. Played with the kids. No signs of sickness, whatsoever. Now, seeing my perfectly healthy husband feel so miserable because of what we are putting into his body, makes me question everything. Trust me when I say this, I have very seriously considered driving to Colorado to get some hemp oil. It’s actually still a strong possibility. If you are curious about my thinking and think I’m nuts, please, do yourself a favor and look at phoenixtears.com
I am a very firm believer that God put everything on this earth for us to eat, use, etc. Hemp (oil to use, not for us to smoke) is a naturally occurring plant on this earth. Chemo? Man made poison. Yes, I am one of those people who do not trust the government and think that Cancer is a big business and quite frankly we will never find a cure because of the amount of money that would be lost. I do NOT think the FDA is our friend. Hell, they have approved drugs that KILL people, but won’t approve herbs that are naturally occurring on the earth. I don’t trust them.
I’ll step off of my soapbox now.