Saturday, May 31, 2014

A little pity party

Dave had a pretty decent night last night.  No high temps.  But still fatigued and no appetite.  I went to work this morning and came up and had lunch beside him, not with him since he won’t eat!  After I got off of work I visited and spoke with his nurse.  Oncology is not my thing.  I do moms and babies!  His nurse said what he was going through is super common and him being weak and tired is just, unfortunately, part of the process.  She said “If I’m not worried, you don’t need to worry.”  Well, ok then.  Again, they obviously don’t know who they are talking to! She told us that typically day 7-10 after the LAST dose of chemo is when people are in the valley and feeling the worst.  That makes since, because he is on day 7.  Plus, fighting an infection on top of that!  So we are hopeful that in a couple more days, he will be on the uphill swing of things.
When I left to come home to spend the night with the girls, I had a major pity party/melt down.  My poor husband was alone, sick, at the hospital and I wasn’t there.  It’s in times like that, that I realize, I don’t even know how to live my life without him.  I didn’t even want to be home with the girls.  I know that sounds awful, and everyone knows how much I love and cherish my girls, but I couldn’t help but just want to be there with my best friend.  It’s so not fair!!!  Everyone else’s life goes on. I can barely look at Facebook anymore because of all the pictures of everyone and their husbands and families out having fun, being care free.  That is what we should be doing!! We are in the prime of our life, and I feel robbed!  Cue ugly tears now.
Once I had my ugly cry, I looked at my babies and realized they needed more of me.  They need me to be present, and happy.  Y'all?  I’m trying my hardest.  I realized that with as much as they are going from house to house and not seeing us as much, I needed to make the most quality out of our time together.  So I pulled myself together and loaded us all up (even Sam!) and we went to the park.  Although I couldn’t have as much fun because it feels like something is missing. DUH, a HUGE part is missing.  The girls enjoyed their time and I loved seeing them happy.

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I tried to show Mia how to pick Honey suckles, but I forgot!!

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They smelled delicious though!

We had the park all to ourselves!
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We brought Sam home, went back to Kroger, bought some new polish for Mia’s nails and came home and ALL 3 of us, took a princess bubble bath together in mommy’s tub!!

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Mia kept saying “This is the BEST.DAY.EVER!!”  I’m so glad baby girl.

Finley then went to bed and Mia and I sat on the front porch and talked and I tried to catch some lightening bugs for her (I’m not as good as I once was! HA) and then Meme and Poppy came by to visit.  It was a decent night, but I definitely missed my love.

2 comments:

Cathy Logsdon said...

You are so strong! I don't and couldn't even imagine the pain you guys are having to face. I know you have many friends and your family who are praying daily, hourly even. Sounds like you have your faith, and I know God is hearing your pleas. I think and pray for you everyday.

Ashlee Tindle said...

Lauren my heart breaks for you, Dave and the girls. You all are in my thoughts and prayers and if you need anything, even if it's just a shoulder to cry on don't hesitate to call. Love ya!!