I worked until 3 today, so Dave hung out with the girls. On my way home he said he actually had an appetite and was wanting some more Bootleg BBQ! Well, ok! That’s exactly what I stopped and picked us up on the way home. We all ate and then I noticed that Finley was being kind of clingy and sleepy acting. Dave said she had already had two naps for the day, but she was still wanting to lay down with her blankie and paci. I scooped her up and noticed that she felt warm. Temperature of 100.5. Add some diarrhea a little bit later. Insert a call to Dr. Kim. Typically I would let it go for another day or two, but with Dave’s immunity being practically non existent, I decided she need to go.
Do you ever feel like just when you have a handle on things, life says “challenge accepted!”??? Although this is a small issue, it still feels like salt in an open wound, or being kicked while I’m down. Just when I think I can’t handle even just one more thing, I get knocked down again. I have been on this emotional roller coaster for the past two months and feel like it may never end. Just being totally honest, but, I am so freaking OVER IT!!
Exxxxactly my thoughts.
Everyone keeps telling me how “strong” I am, and although they know I am struggling on the inside, they would never know judging me from the outside, the challenges we were going through. I get told often how much is on my plate and “I don’t know how you are doing it.” Well guess what, friends? I don’t know how I am doing it either. I don’t feel strong. Honestly, I don’t know how I get through each day. The only thing I can think of is that God is sustaining me. I still feel like I am in a fog. Like, this is not my life. I feel like I am in the eye of a hurricane, where everyone else's life is proceeding as normal, but ours is at a stand still. Everyone else is enjoying their weekends and I feel thankful for every single day, but also have a lot of fear and anxiety of the unknown and our future. So, thank you, for the compliments, but I assure you, I am a HOT mess on the inside. I’m trying to be strong for my love and our girls, but I am completely falling apart on the inside. I just pray to God for continued strength to get me through this time and hope that through me, someone else might find strength to carry on. I am confident that God knows what He is doing, even when I don’t like His plan.
As far as Dave, he is still feeling pretty well, praise the Lord! Being pretty active and eating more and more each day!!
We also got our next few appointments scheduled. This Friday is bloodwork. Next Friday is PET scan. The following Monday we find out the results and get admitted to the hospital for round 3. Please be praying for normalizing blood work. Please pray BOLDLY for a miracle and the cancer to be gone! I know it may be a long shot at this point, but we know that God can do anything. He is the Great Physician and is more than capable of completely healing my husband! We would at least LOVE no more cancer in the lymph node, NO spread to any where else and shrinkage of the original tumor! Also, pray for his appetite and the least amount of side effects from chemo as possible.
One more thing, we will be meeting with a Holistic doctor in the next few weeks. Please be praying that we get some good and helpful information on how to take care of his body in the most natural ways.
Thank you so SO much!!